By Tom Matlack
The term alpha male is commonly applied to ambitious menguys who are dominant, the ones to whom others play submissive roles. The man who is loud and pushy and so aggressively ego-fueled that he always gets his way is called an alpha male.
But is there a way to be an alpha without being obnoxiousand without treating others as submissive? To help me find an answer to that question, a friend pointed me to the world of dog training. After all, the term alpha male derives from decades-old studies of wolves and other animals.
I had a chat with Paul Owens, who is often referred to as the original Dog Whisperer and is the author, most recently, of The Dog Whisperer Presents Good Habits for Great Dogs (Adams Media). Paul is a gentle man and a yogi who frequently quotes Gandhi and King in his books, DVDs, and classes. Owens explained to me that the idea of the alpha dog, that one member of a canine pack is dominant in all situations, is no longer accepted by scientists and animal behaviorists.
The newer understanding is that the pack is a cooperative family unit with the parents leading the way. As pups develop and grow and the parents produce additional litters, the older pups naturally guide and somewhat dominate the young pups, just like older brothers and sisters in a human family. But theres no battle to gain pack leadership; both parents retain and share that role.
Owens pointed me toward the work of a senior scientist with the U.S. Geological Survey, Dr. L. David Mech, who first popularized the term alpha male when he published studies on the social structures of wolves 40 years ago, in his book The Wolf: The Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species. It turns out that Mech has been attempting to undo his own contribution to semantics and popular culture for the last 10 years. In his 2008 article for the International Wolf Center, Whatever Happened to the Term Alpha Wolf? Mech explains that today wolf biologists use the term alpha male in only one contextto explain why it is outdated and how it does not apply to the social behavior of wolves. Mech writes, Hopefully it will take fewer than 20 years for the media and the public to fully adopt the correct terminology and thus to once and for all end the outmoded view of the wolf pack as an aggressive assortment of wolves consistently competing with each other to take over the pack.
Still, we seem entrenched in the old definition of what it means to be an alpha. Consider, for example, dog training. A quick review of dog-training books, videos, and TV shows reveals a general supposition that dogs look up to the alpha in the pack as some sort of tyrannical dictator and, to have an effective human/dog relationship, humans should take on this role. The authors and TV and video hosts teach aversive training methods, such as pinning the dog to the ground, jerking the dog on the leash, using shock collars, and physically forcing frightened dogs into situations they are afraid of until they shut down.
Trainers who say, You must always win when training your dog, seem to view the dog/human relationship as a competition rather than a relationship built on trust and cooperation, said Owens. And when theres a competition, theres also a win-lose mentality.
Owens is on the front line when it comes to the family dog. He continues to espouse the teachings of King and Gandhi, whom he honors as shining examples of nonviolent alphas. By applying their nonviolent philosophy with a scientific approach to educating dogs, he is trying his best to dispel the idea that might makes right or that physical punishment and coercion are needed to properly train even the most fearsome or aggressive dog.
So if this concept isnt true for dogs or wolves, perhaps we humans, particularly the males of the species, can rethink what it means to be an alpha male. Since we seem to be stuck with the word alpha, said Owens, how about redefining the term so its no longer about dominance and aggression and more in line with the leadership role that good parents exhibit?
If we use that definition, then Id like to think that Im an alpha malesomeone with strong leadership qualities rooted in compassion, kindness, and consideration for others.
*****
Tom Matlack is the cofounder of The Good Men Project.
Photo credit: Brian Stemmler Photography
