A year or two ago I had an idea for a site. I planned to ask men (including writers and celebrities) to send in a short list of the most important things their fathers taught them. I was going to call the site www.thingsmyfathertaughtme.com. The idea came from a list I made in honor of my dad’s 70th birthday (attached below). You’ve done a much better job with your Project than I ever could have dreamed.
Congratulations.
Best,
Jonathan
“50-Some-Odd Things My Father Taught Me” by Jonathan Eig
1. Honesty.
2. Affection.
3. Compassion.
4. Loyalty.
5. Sports should be fun.
6. Baldness may be hereditary.
7. The quality of a movie is in direct proportion to the number of car crashes in it.
8. Use the right tool for the job.
9. Nothing comes before family.
10. If the umpire says you’re out, you’re out.
11. There is no reason why three kids in the back seat of a car with no air conditioning passing through Georgia on a three-day trip to Florida can’t split one can of soda.
12. Check that the luggage is tied securely to the roof of the car.
13. Double-check.
14. Even if you can’t dance, you can still dance with your wife.
15. If your kid wants to cover every inch of his room, including the ceiling, with posters immediately after you painted it, let him (or her) do it.
16. If your kid wants a pet rabbit, let him have the rabbit.
17. Rabbits make lousy pets.
18. If your kid wants a new tennis racket when his old one is perfectly good, remind him of the time he wanted a rabbit.
19. A good career is one thing. A good life is another.
20. Try to remember the punch line BEFORE you start telling the joke.
21. After a certain age, birthday presents really aren’t that important.
22. At tic-tac-toe, start in a corner.
23. At gin rummy, don’t speculate.
24. You can never find parking in Midtown.
25. When you strike out, don’t complain, don’t explain, and, if possible, smile.
26. Your wife is always right.
27. Don’t take yourself too seriously.
28. Everyone should know how to drive a stick.
29. And change a tire.
30. And balance a checkbook.
31. And use a ratchet set.
32. Attendance at a child’s Little League game is not optional.
33. There’s no such thing as too much butter or cream cheese.
34. Let a kid make his own mistakes–even the big ones.
35. Bob Newhart really is funny.
36. Playboy jokes are not.
37. You’d be surprised how much stuff falls off trucks.
38. The best nut is the pistachio.
39. Love is like a violin.
40. If you can’t say something nice… (unfortunately, I never learned the rest)
41. It’s not what you say, it’s what you do.
42. Why is a crooked letter.
43. Start saving money when you’re young.
44. Don’t mess with the IRS.
45. If your kid wants to try driving the lawn mower and ends up crashing into the wall of the new shed because he doesn’t know how to stop, what’s the point in yelling at him?
46. The yellow lines on the road are just suggestions.
47. Never pay for a baseball cap.
48. If you leave after the sixth inning, you beat the traffic (but you also miss the game).
49. Nothing is definite.
50. Curb crawling sounds a lot worse than it really is.
51. Don’t let your kid beat you at tennis.
52. The car is a great place for important conversations.
53. You can learn a lot watching Roadrunner cartoons.
54. Who knows? The Shadow knows.
55. If your father gives you a baseball autographed by Reggie Jackson, don’t ask too many questions.
56. If the kids are fighting in the back seat and you’ve got one arm over the hump of the front seat trying to swing at them to shut them up and a Camaro zips by and cuts you off and gives you the finger, you don’t have to take that shit. Floor it!
57. If you’re looking for a real hero, check out Gene Autry.
58. Or Jackie Robinson.
59. Or your father.
***
Jonathan Eig is the author of two New York Times bestsellers: Luckiest Man: The Life and Death of Lou Gehrig and Opening Day: The Story of Jackie Robinson’s First Season. His new book, Get Capone, will be published by Simon & Schuster in April 2010.
